ohanticipation

ohanticipation @ 2006-02-08T22:26:00

2006-02-09T04:26:44Z

Rules.

1. Stop dwelling.
2. Know that you have better things waiting for you.
3. Go for it.
4. Be happy.

now really, why is this so hard for me?

ohanticipation @ 2006-01-28T15:54:00

2006-01-28T21:54:29Z

bury your fucking dead.

ohanticipation @ 2006-01-25T22:50:00

2006-01-26T04:51:37Z

~~a) empty out bottom drawer into box~~
~~b) buy yaffa stacks to put bras/underwear/socks in~~
~~c) move all my workout and drumline clothes to the bottom drawer~~
~~d) put all my pajama pants in the 2nd to last drawer~~
e) put all my jewelry and such in the top drawer
f) put all my CD cases in a box to put in my closet
e) put all picture frames on shelves and top of EC in a box
f) buy a million more black and silver plain frames at wal mart
g) print off a million pictures to put in those frames
h) spray paint shelves black and re-hang them
i) figure out a place to put furniture until i move*
j) go to IKEA in frisco
k) take EVERYTHING off of my walls
l) frame SCV poster
m) professionally frame the BOA finals pictures i got in the mail today

so some of that is finished. my ap trig and ap physics homework, however, is NOT.

ohanticipation @ 2006-01-24T21:01:00

2006-01-25T03:04:39Z

so this room cleaning thing is going well. i only have a few more things to do. okay. more than a few.

a) empty out bottom drawer into box
b) buy yaffa stacks to put bras/underwear/socks in
c) move all my workout and drumline clothes to the bottom drawer
d) put all my pajama pants in the 2nd to last drawer
e) put all my jewelry and such in the top drawer
f) put all my CD cases in a box to put in my closet
e) put all picture frames on shelves and top of EC in a box
f) buy a million more black and silver plain frames at wal mart
g) print off a million pictures to put in those frames
h) spray paint shelves black and re-hang them
i) figure out a place to put furniture until i move*
j) go to IKEA in frisco
k) take EVERYTHING off of my walls
l) frame SCV poster

okay, so i have all this furniture in my room. a bed, desk, entertainment center, bookshelf and 5 drawer chest. i'm not using any of it because i'm getting new furniture from IKEA, but i want to keep that furniture for when i move out. which is only a year. problem is we have NOWHERE to put it. i'm at a complete loss really. i don't know what to do.

on feb. 4, nicole is helping me with my room some more. what she doesn't know is i think we are going to go down to frisco.

ohanticipation @ 2006-01-19T16:43:00

2006-01-19T22:47:31Z

it's really weird to think about all the changes i've made in just this past 2 months. i threw away partying, i got rid of the people that were bringing me down, i really focused on school, i pulled myself out of a big mess, i was what a good friend should be, i lost a lot of weight, i cared more about my presentation, i let go of stupid things, and i got ready to be a grown-up. i move out in a year. and i could be moving out in a semester. its just crazy to think that only 2 years ago i was just getting the hang of highschool. now im sitting around in the state wind ensemble, honors trig, ap composition and ap physics class. i've completed 5 courses of high school latin and 2 courses of college latin, and next year i'll be taking 3 college classes and 5 high school classes. for the first time in a long time (ever) im really proud of myself.

ohanticipation @ 2006-01-12T23:39:00

2006-01-13T05:39:55Z

fuck putnam city original.

i almost dropped out of school today.

ohanticipation @ 2006-01-10T22:42:00

2006-01-11T04:50:39Z

i haven't updated sing the gang crap. too much has happened. i've cried too much, and it's been a bad week. so let's just not even think about it!

here is my tentative schedule for the next few months, since its a new semester and all

7-8:15 AM - percussion ensemble (t,th) OR drumline (m, w)
8:30 - 10:04 AM - wind ensemble rehearsal
10:11 - 11:52 - english
12:40 - 2:04 - trig
2:15 - 3:45 - AP physics
4:00 - 4:45 - gsa (t,w), JCL (f) full orchestra rehearsal or drumline meetings
5:00 - 5:30 - WORK OUT
6:00 - play at basketball games (t) otherwise, study/ homework

plus random prom comittee meetings, shows, act prep classes, band recitals, jazz band performances, etc. etc.

its good to be busy, because then i can't think about all the crap that i let myself think about, which leads me to eat, which leads to me being fat.

i lost 1 pound, but gained 3 pounds in water weight. patience is a BITCH.

i think i'm going to start going to tan & tone.

fuck fat.

gangs

2006-01-06T04:11:41Z

at the beginning of this school year, in my third block, there was a boy named corianne. i could tell from the very beginning that he was different. yes, he was black. he wore baggy jeans, big puffy jackets, a gold chain and he had a gold and diamond grill. for the first weeks of school i didn't hear much out of his mouth. one day, while learning about tangents and cosines, corianne turned to me and asked for him. he had very pretty eyes. i helped him, and from that day on, he spoke more and more in class. by november he was talking with everybody, every day. especially joshua dent, the football star that sits behind me.

about a month ago, near the beginning of december, 2 cops and dr. wentroth came to our class and pulled corianne out. nobody really thought anything of it, the cops at our school are a bit prejudice. but about 3 minutes later i asked to go to the bathroom. when i went out, the cops had him in handcuffs and he had his head hung. now handcuffs are a big deal at our school, because they're not supposed to use anything but zip-ties. still, i figured they found out he was in a gang (which i had known from talking to him/ seeing his tattoos). we never saw corianne again.

today, i started to wonder what exactly happened. dr. wentroth & i are pretty close, because i'm on drumline and a class officer and such. i asked him what had happened and he told me. corianne had brought a gun to school.

last year, towards the end of the year, jon heim, rayke and i were walking down the hall towards the front end of the school. two guys walked in the school, and one pulled out a gun. naturally i panicked on the inside and stopped in my tracks. the cops got the guys down and cuffed and out before they could get anywhere but i finally put it all together

it turns out corianne is in some nation-wide gang that is out of houston. corianne told me that he moved here from houston, but he was born and raised in atlanta. everything started to make sense.

i can't imagine what it's like to be in a gang. to always be on the run, to always be hiding, to always have to carry a gun, to have several known enemies, to always have to watch your back. where you have to kill a man to be a man, wear baggy clothes only because you have to conceal your gun, feel like you're not doing your part unless you have that name tattooed on your skin.

and then there are people that live for it. that love the suspense, that (sickly) love killing.

i don't know.

school is completely useless until the new semester. i'm not going to get anything done. i can't think about anything, focus on anything, much less translate all that adv. latin in my head.

damnfuck.

schedule?

2006-01-04T08:21:07Z

edit SO MEG RYAN JUST GOT ALL THE ADVICE SHE NEEDED IN THIS MOVIE FROM A PERSIAN WOMAN BECAUSE WE OWN AT EVERYTHING KTHNXBYE.

end

my sleep schedule is completely backwards. i went to bed at 6:12 AM, and woke up at 4:30 PM. now its 2:04 AM. i guess i'll try to sleep here in about 30 minutes and wake up around 12. jessica and carolyn come home today at 5:20. i think its 5:20 anyways. whatever.

logan's dad passed away. he was actually murdered but thats such a toxic word. i miss him so much. i can't wait until he comes home from colorado. i want to hug him for days. read this if you want to know more.

jan 1st.

DEGRASSI.

jan 2.

"can i have some dollars please?"

derae & mina do america.

fin.

today i went to dinner with my mom and we talked for hours. i would die without her. then i came home and we watched will & grace and frasier, and now my brother and i just watched "say anything" and we're watching "hanging up" now. sometimes i forget what family means. they drive me nuts sometimes.

we finally found the new bed for my room. click.

have you seen the movie "hanging up"? i feel like cameron diaz all the time. i suggest you watch it sometime. its a movie that comes with realization.

i really can't wait to grow up.

oh, lies.

2006-01-03T11:32:21Z

so i was planning on putting january 1 & 2 pictures on here today. but 158 pictures is a lot to resize, yannow?

its 5:25 am and i haven't slept. i've been up for 42 hours, running solely on caffeine, haha. dad is gone. room to breathe. he may be my father, but i don't have to like him, you know? whatever.

i'm cleaning out my entire room. and when i say cleaning out, i mean, i've been doing it for 7 hours and i'm about 10 percent finished. i don't want all these things anymore. i've grown up. i have memories in my head. i don't want to remember some of the things i still have in my room. i'm boxing up my korea things to save for my lifetime, boxing up all the books that i don't read anymore ( i will never throw away a book ). donating half of my purses and shoes to nicole's "i'm having a garage sale to pay for my huge car problems" fund. i have THOUSANDS of magazines. i don't need these things. i don't need any of these things.

what i need is bare walls with a few black and white pictures. room to breathe. a bed, a desk, and a bookshelf. possibly a stand for my phone & makeup. that's it. not a shoe cubby, two 3-tier shelves, an overstuffed chair & ottoman, t.v. stand, desk, entertainment center, bokshelf, stacked cubby, chest of drawers, daybed and nightstand. TOO MUCH STUFF.

however, i am not going to last much longer! so i think i will crawl into bed with my mom.

i would die without my mom.

i redid my myspace.

stuff. stuff ruins me. i can't keep feeling claustrophobic in my own damn room.

a new year, a new livejournal

2006-01-01T04:23:16Z

on the east coast, there are only 42 minutes left in 2005. instead of partying as i usually do, this year i have decided to stay home with my mother, father, and dogs and watch the festivities on t.v. besides, my face is still fat from my wisdom teeth, haha.

2005, in retrospect

in january i was dating joshua leckie, going to grindcore shows every weekend, hating every person at my school, still getting over matt rodriguez, hanging out with marijah 24/7, started driving more often, and i was at the house that grind built more than i was home

in february valengrind was the biggest thing of the time, i almost went back to rehab, i was hanging out with chinki 24/7, people started to think that we were together, josh leckie and i broke up, "the glamour bros", i got my cartilages pierced, still hating most people, hung out with ali jo alot, the beginning of the mina-victoria takeover

in march there was the blood brothers show, my mom got VERY sick, i went to 2093890823904802983409283 amazing shows, saw from a second story window, i didn't sleep for ALL of spring break, i got new sunglasses, i was smoking a lot, dated brad cooney, tons of crazy parties at annes house, josh tagert saved my live, i wanted to marry morgan tepsic, my immune system started to fail me, i found out i was going to korea

in april me and rayke were together 24/7, i was supposed to get my wisdom teeth out, catrina and i realized we were identical, the beginning of clay, we got a bomb threat at school, seniors started getting announcements and i started getting depressed, went on 2 dates with garret, ran for class treasurer, my dad and i got into i big time, i was sick all the time, started going to church again, dci classic countdown!, SATAN CHURCH, dated tim simpson

in may brian made osu snare line, i saw one of the best shows of my life, almost went to prom with john curtis, went on a few dates with garrett, read a LOT of books, started hanging out with kayla, nanette busted her head open, played at the special olympics, went to prom, some of my friends got in a serious car wreck, made bass captain, started a diet, my brother moved in, i ate at TGI fridays all the time, sat in the rain with drumline for graduation practice, graduation, tears

in june end of my sophmore year, KOREA, lots of aubree, my moms 61st birthday, got glasses, started talking to matt again, josh went to cornerstone

in july the new AILD cd came out and i loved it, sounds of the underground, my laptop broke, read SO MANY books, discovered necrophagist, went to revolution, thought i got saved, first time i spent the night with clay, got put on an iron-fortified diet, LOTS of clay, SAN ANTONIO, broken arrow with jessica, DALLAS DOMINATION

in august 3-a-day drumline rehearsals started, patrick and i started getting close, drank a TON of propel, scott came from nevada, drumline rehearsal all the time, got extensions, still clay 24/7, saw a semi hanging off of the highway, josh moved in, made the longest xanga post ever, was really tan, hellfest got cancelled, i ate a lot of pizza, went to a show in my pajamas with derae, was addicted to degrassi, ate a lot of hummus, was in the friday football blitz commercial, PATRICK, derae a lot

in september worked a weekend in new orleans, ate a lot of hot pockets, jamie from ronald regan visited me, lost my voice thanks to patrick, missed jon heim like crazy, drank a TON of starbucks, hung out with kayla a lot, was still really tan, started hanging out with anne again, lots of football games, josh still lived with me, i turned 16, got my legal liscence, my mom bought me the sweatpants i wear 24/7 now, matt took me to finding nemo on ice for my birthday, i went to the state fair for the first time, we got GSA approved, i fractured my ankle and tore a ligament, sat out of UCO contest, HUGE fight with clay, went to dunkin donuts a lot, saw zao

in october sat out of catoosa contest, went to dunkin donuts a lot, me and alyssa started getting really close, finally got to march in the marching classic, prom committee started, the best commercial EVER was on t.v., went back to rehab, finally let everyone know that i am not a christian, got a bad ear infection, BOA, saw elizabethtown, no overland park, beginning of mina-nicole ALL THE TIME, rosa parks died, state band contest, an amazing fall break, OBA with drumline, beat north

in november the beginning of the hornets, eye surgery, bad depression from the eye surgery, josh ALL THE TIME, saw a scary movie and didn't get scared for the first time in my life, made wind ensemble, went to kansas city twice in one week for some amazing shows, saw circa survive, eyes got a little better, started going to less and less shows, zao dvd came out, my brother surprise visited us from guam, RAYKESGIVING!, the end of football and marching season, tears, gsa & jcl ALL THE TIME, lost a lot of weight, started becoming happy with my appearance, nicole ALL THE TIME, had a sort of epiphany, got a job at starbucks, sketched my chestpiece

in december got terminated from starbucks, started talking to clay again, started getting used to real life without drumline again, job hunting like CRAZY, fight with josh, made up with josh, cartilage piercings came out, first snow, got teeth whitening system, a new sonicare toothbrush, the return of the mullet, played at elementary schools with band, plane crash in iran, said some things to matt that i never should have, got fed up with people in general, saw cave in and doomriders in dallas, got wasted/sick, victoria was admitted to the hospital, was BUSY AS HELL for a week, spent a lot of time with vic at the hospital, stressed over christmas gifts, went to tulsa with nicole and rayke and others, dad randomly showed up from iran, got my wisdom teeth romved, got along fine with my dad, had NO trouble with my wisdom teeth, decided to stay home on my favorite holiday

i'm ready.